If I Were Bridget Jones

If I were Bridget Jones then yesterday’s diary entry would look something a little like this:

Monday 29 October

Weight: don’t know as don’t have scales in house (good for self-esteem). Alcohol units: 0 (very good). Cigarettes: 0 (as don’t smoke). Caffeine units: 4 (fair). Negative thoughts: 52 (all on topic of life and talents being wasted learning torts etc). Hours of study: 4.5 rounded up (bad).

8am alarm goes off, curse the world and roll out of bed. Catch glimpse of self in mirror and consider rolling back into bed. Remember hunger. Go to kitchen.

8.26am settle onto couch to watch morning news in an effort to become more enlightened.

9.01am make third cup of tea and resolve to start study.

9.06am remember friend’s birthday, must find hilarious images of world’s favourite cat (Hello Kitty) to post onto her Facebook timeline.

9.22am Four Hello Kitty Pictures down and I am going to study.

10.05am have definitely deserved a snack.

10.45am have definitely deserved another snack. Make popcorn.

10.52am whole container of popcorn eaten. Study resumes.

11.30am get out of pyjamas in order to drag butt to gym.

1.02pm return from gym after a mildy successful Abs Buns and Thighs class where I was definitely wasn’t the biggest loser there (yusssssss!) and as always there were no hotties in the gym. But I found myself staring at this guy who I know is not that cute in an effort to detract brain from burning thighs. Feel that perhaps standards are sinking out of desperation and perhaps hallucinations from lack of oxygenated blood to brain?

1.24pm Out of shower, just got dressed into super comfy study gear. Flatmate’s cute brother shows up, curse self for wearing unattractive trackpants complete with bloodstain on the pocket and longjohns underneath, thus making bottom look particularly saggy, ironic as have just been to ABT class.

2.17pm Flatmate’s brother leaves after a long yarn, in which he asked me if there were any boys on the scene. Ugh. The singleton’s most hated question, especially coming from people in relationships, as this young man is. Spin usual spiel about loving the single life not wanting to lower standards for the sake of having someone to keep me warm at night etc etc.  Make cup of tea number four. Study resumes.

3.15pm afternoon tea time.

4.12pm Time to do some internet trawling to find Babe of the Day to post to friendship group Facebook group, as self-designated Babe of the Day poster during the entirety of the exam period, I take my job very seriously and ensure that only the hottest guys make the cut. Hard work deciding who to use today.

5.32pm Retire from desk for the day, go upstairs to make dinner.

10.56pm Making a risotto (perhaps the most time consuming of dishes) and then having visit from friend meant no more work. Maybe I’ll have better luck tomorrow.

Renee Zellweger as Bridget Jones


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